The way i see it happening
by demonika
Summary: ONE SHOT. yeah so what if hogwarts was all a bluff which was controlled by russian army just to brain wash the modern generation... jumbled up fluff... kinda funny!


A/N: yeah so i was kinda getting bored and it just popped out like totally random. lol. Like who would write a cross over of harry potter and Metal gear? eh? ME!!!

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**THE TRUTH UNVEILED**

Work was giving him a hard time. The mission reports had been submitted. Approval was taking long. He sighed as he looked out the window, the solitary moments tended to take him back a few years. Back a few hundred miles. Russia.

It had been three years now, since the mission Snake Eater had been accomplished, he had been entitled Big Boss after that, Naked Snake had died then. He was just Big Boss. Someone who had been exalted on the basis of killing his mentor, or so they had thought. She was living in the North Carolina now, living a life of a beautician. A stunning woman who looked like a fragile twenty rather than a former military soldier, not only that but The Boss.

His latest mission was to retrieve the children from a remote castle somewhere away from the civilization where they brain washed them into thinking that they could do magic. Hogwarts. That was a funny name. Someone might have thought that the security should have been tight but the guards only knew how to shove the dumb sticks up at him. So it was more or less easy. The sufferers were taken into asylum for revivalism. They were refusing to believe that they were 'muggles'.

Snake sighed again, a mirth dancing in his eyes as he recalled the looks in the children`s faces when they found out that their head master, who was supposed to be an aged man of over a hundred was actually Ocelot. Yes, Dumbledore was played by Ocelot. He had claimed in front of press that he was about to let them know of his identity sooner or later, the wig was messing his hair do, not to mention that the beard itched like hell. It was still hard to believe that the young cat was behind all of this.

And the game keeper, Hagrid. He was Volgin. Volgin was currently taken into a daycare centre because of the love he claimed he had for the children. It was all so ironic the way he cried in front of the camera, whining like a two year old just to hold an infant in his arms. He said he hated army and how he was made to torture everyone when he would have gladly replaced a gun with a fluffy pink stuffed bunny. He was begging the government to let him help provide free electricity for the poor. Snake`s eyes drifted off to the cover of children magazine where Volgin`s or Tota Funna`s (the kids all over the world called him that these days) photographs were beaming up at him. In the main one he was holding a glass of milk and shoving it out of the paper for the children, the caption read: _It makes you strong like me, your Tota Funna. So that you can help the world. ^_^_

The sorrow was alive. Yes. Imagine the boss`s relief over that. But she was forced to change her mind when she found out that he was the main antagonist in the magic world. The Dark Lord. He said he had always wanted to torture everyone and get away with it. The character provided him with that opportunity. He said he didn`t like attention and the next thing you know, no one speaks his name, although he`s the centre of everyone`s thoughts in the little world that the cobras and Ocelot had created. Such a sorrow.

Snape, the all so creepy one was played by The Fear. That was the reason everyone feared him so much. He didn`t need to do much amends to his profile. All that was needed was a little more grease on his messy hair and there you have it. Unrecognizable. His unparalleled love with the jungle and botany had led him to be a potions master. And the one which everyone feared. He was quite happy with his post.

And then The End. Professor Flitwick, whose job was to make the dumb students believe that they could make objects fly with their charms, was The End. His parrot, who was named as Charms in the magic world did his master`s bidding by carrying the objects that were supposed to be _charmed_ in his beak and making them _fly. _That was how it all went and the darn people fell for it. Sending their children to the Russian mind washing facility nick named as Hogwarts.

Just as Snake`s mind started to wander again, he heard a soft knock on his main door. He turned his head away from the window pane and got up, straightening his shirt. He walked pass his messy living room, kicking stray junk away to clear the path.

He turned the door knob and opened it, trying to hide his discomfort for having a guest at this time of day. His jaw dropped as his eyes met the paler ones glinting ahead at him from the mass of beard hiding the face. The big red Santa suit that he was wearing was carelessly stuffed with cotton to make him look fat which was sticking out of random places and the big red hat was doing less to hide the original blond hair which were hastily adorned by a mass of white wig.

The Ocelot Santa grinned up at Snake and cleared his throat, trying to look pass him into the house, "ho ho ho… Christmas is near. You won`t happen to have any nice children to help me distribute the gifts, would you?"

And Snake passed out.

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Okay so the last line is a little out of character for big boss. dont kill me. but its just as random as the rest of it. review and let me know what you think. maybe i can come up with random fluff like this once in a while. lol!!


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